I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You don't make any sense
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