I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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