remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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