Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
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what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
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I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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