I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
