I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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