Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
honey bunches of taint.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
