I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
