You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
