I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
