Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
