I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
