Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
