he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
