yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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