I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Houston, we have a blender
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
