I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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