somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
