Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
