if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
