dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
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i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
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We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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