your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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