We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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