this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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