Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
