I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
bring money and cleavage
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
