i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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