I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
