I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
