I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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