hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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