After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
