I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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