Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
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But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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