You kept calling me your small dog last night.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
