I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Sorry my hands just texted you
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
