Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
