My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
