i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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