At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
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Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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