I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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