You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
