It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
