i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
