just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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