Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
