somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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