Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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