His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
