when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
