I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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