she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
