i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
