The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
