He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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