I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
