She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i love accidental penises.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
