i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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