So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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