I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
