apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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