i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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