never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
